i was not your lover

i think i would cry the day your tiktoks stopped showing up on my for you page.
no matter if you want me to or not,
i simply can’t forget about your existence.
i can’t deny your role,
your enormous role in my life.

i can’t stop myself from wondering…
if it had happened differently,
if we had met differently,
if you weren’t famous,
if i wasn’t a fan.
i was never a fan.
not in the typical sense anyway.

but you said the words yourself:
it wasn’t you.
you weren’t there.
that was not your love affair.
i was not your lover.
i was not even your friend.